Mother Gives Children The Most Metal Names Ever

According to documentary film maker David Farrier, a mother in New Zealand has named her three children after three of Metal’s most iconic bands.  Farrier checked with the the country’s Registrar-General and he confirmed the children’s names are “Metallica”, “Slayer”, and “Pantera”.  The oldest, Metallica, is going to turn 12 this year.  You can read the Loudwire article here.

So, of course I got to thinking about changing my child’s name to “Neil Peart By-Tor Rush Hsu”.  I know what you’re thinking, “But you have a daughter!”  To that I say, “And?”  Then I started thinking about some of the other band names that would make great, character building names for kids.  Like Zeppelin(open to fat-shaming), Pink Floyd, AC/DC, or Thin Lizzy(again, body-shaming)  Guitar God Zakk Wylde named one of his kids Sabbath Page Wielandt Wylde and another Hendrix Halen Michael Rhodes Wylde.  I hope they play guitar?  If you’re not a Rock fan you could always name you kid Maroon 5 or Twenty One Pilots

But in the world of Metal there are different generes and sub-generes and sub-sub-generes.  Here are some names that are sure to get the attention of the teacher on the first day of school:

Morbid Angel, Gorguts, Cattle Decapitation, Vomit Launch, Carcass, Agoraphobic Nosebleed or Dying Fetus.  Or just plain old Death.  There was a singer named Death in the Norwegian band Mayhem who like to huff a bag with a dead squirrel in it before he went on stage.

Or…you could just play it safe and name them Ted or Aileen.  Those are nice names too.


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